Author Archives: Undecided Pseudonym

About Undecided Pseudonym

A woman who remembers enjoying writing.

Perfect Sight

There is a white hot rage in me, mixed in with a black tar rotting decay. A festering volcano, the afterbirth of trauma. Lack of control of internal emotional processes. This is a legacy of being overpowered, you really lose … Continue reading

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The past repeats itself until it is faced. I am learning this, as many do, the hard way. It’s the repetition that pains the most. A new heartbreak at least breaks a new part, something previously untouched by life. The … Continue reading

Posted in Non-Fiction


Both my hamster and I are sneezing. I am unsure of what afflicts her delicate little nostrils. She afflicts mine. Could we be allergic to each other? She certainly mirrors my emotional states, and I feel a degree of responsibility … Continue reading

Posted in Non-Fiction


In 28 years, have I learned nothing? Feels like it, certainly. This is not true. Yet the big ones, the big mistakes, the big cycles, seem to keep repeating. Some days, I just want to hurt people. I don’t, on … Continue reading

Posted in Non-Fiction


To be ruined and then ruin. To perpetuate. I am what was done to me, and I am what I do, and it feels like these two things are mirrors facing one another, repeating the same damaging, vicious cycles and … Continue reading

Posted in Non-Fiction

Next Days

Yesterday as I sat at a cafe I felt a profound sense of bliss. I was reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl, and came across this passage: A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my … Continue reading

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The Return

Nothing I love or know better than madness. Everything good in me bound into the monster as well. In chaos it comes out. A healthy normal life is always a lie for people like us. You cannot run or hide. … Continue reading

Posted in Non-Fiction