Fear fear fear fear, la la la la, fear fear fear fear, fear fear! This is the chorus of my subconscious, no matter what other lyrics abound. It all comes back to this. It is so automatic, so insidious, at every turn, however innocent or wanted. Writing an article, a blog post, reading a book I love, the doing of beloved things, fear blocks the way.
It is under my control, my jurisdiction. To be a dictator of ones heart – not ones heart, but of openness, to decree that openness and freedom in pursuing love be the immutable rule, this is the goal. Dictator in a good sense. The Romans used to appoint dictators for 6 month terms, in the belief that at times of crisis it is best to have one decision maker so that things get done. A wondrous idea! Rule your mind, or it will rule you. Horace. (I should add, Rule your stomach, or it will rule you. Although ultimately that’s the mind, craving satisfaction, soothing.)
I just finished reading Change Your Mind by Rod Judkins, an excellent read on creative habits and how to nourish creative endeavors. I am always heartened when I read advice on being an artist, as it’s always what I’ve known in my core, but allowed myself to move away from. Being stubborn with ones vision, but flexible with how it unfolds. Allowing wildness, strangeness, absurdity in the living of ones life. Idealism is paramount. Floundering is necessary for flourishing.