In 28 years, have I learned nothing?
Feels like it, certainly. This is not true. Yet the big ones, the big mistakes, the big cycles, seem to keep repeating. Some days, I just want to hurt people. I don’t, on purpose at least. I have enough sense for that. I pride myself that I don’t go out of my way to say the mean thing, to give a nasty look, to hurt someone who has hurt me. The choice is the truth of you, not the feeling. But untamed desires whirl their way into conscious action through subconscious means, and the end result is almost the same. Almost worse, done naively.
Mine the subconscious. Extract, transform. Use what can be used, discard the rest. “We are here to build the house.” says Cheryl Strayed. Very true. I am living in a small shack with some very good materials, but it’s in shambles now. Lots of potential. Learning how to build is the deed. What is building and what is merely smashing shapes together.
Carpentry, something I have done very little, loved what little I have done, and admired greatly as a craft. Time to learn, in the workshop of metaphor, the timber of my collected past. Build, build, build.