Back at it. I miss you people, strangers of the internet, readers of my most private thoughts and feelings. Ha! But that’s always the way it goes, I’ve never been very open. Blogging has been a part of most of my life, when I think about it. Nexopia had a blogging element, which even then people responded to, and then Live Journal, of course. I never did MySpace. That was more music, though. Highschool. Straightened bangs over your face, graphic tees, eyeliner. First-wave emo.

I am 27. Almost 28. I have had this blog for six years. It feels like longer. Those days in Toronto feel like 20 years ago…

I am leaving my humble cafe job with the intention of never returning to the service industry or to minimum-wage labour. I have enough saved up to survive for some time. I want to work from home, to set my own hours, to move towards a truer freedom than is offered in our capitalist society. Although, there is plenty of freedom in capitalism, if you’re on the right side of the dollar, which is of course to say, having plenty of it. Can I make the machine work for me? Crypto, freelancing, these are the strange paths I am choosing to take. Strange works for me. Strange is me. My attempts to live a normal life or follow the trodden path have always lead me to great pain.

Freedom versus chaos. I am trying to define these for myself, to live in one and exclude the other, when I have spent a life living in one, telling myself it was the other.

I look around. My room is messy. I want a clean room. A clean room, a clean mind. I have always struggled with this. Thoughts scattered across my consciousness like these socks and pens and books and items. How to clean a mind…

About Undecided Pseudonym

A woman who remembers enjoying writing.
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