April 27/17

Dear A,

1. It has been about ten days since I last posted. Nothing too much has changed. Although I am feeling that maybe my fatigue with art and writing is simply that, fatigue, and I must persevere so that I don’t give up on pieces that are quite meaningful to me which I have already put a fair amount of time into. To keep going. I wish to wash myself clean of all the unpleasantness I’ve seen in those around me, in the world of artists I once held in such high regard. But I can’t. I just have to write, knowing that it will mostly fall on blind eyes, but that even this is cynicism. Well, maybe not cynicism exactly, but well observed worries on the state of human intellect, but still, there are people who care.

2. Boxing is going well. I’m getting the hang of it. It really is a beautiful sport. It’s also rich for writing on. I wouldn’t mind starting a blog, but I’d want to keep it anonymous somehow, or keep it… something. For other peoples privacy. Not a bad idea. I suppose my writing style would give it away as me. We’ll see. For now I’m just documenting things on paper.

3. My arms look decent. Boxer-esque. By next year I hope to look truly formidable.

4. I slept in until 10 am today. But I went to sleep quite late. I will never lose my love of late nights and the snacking which ensues. Although I had pita and homemade hummus, so it’s not such a bad snack. “Chocolate is a gateway drug. Leads to donuts.” – you.

5. I miss you! I miss many women in my life. I am lucky to have so many great women in my life, if scattered across the Western hemisphere.

6. I get so mad. It’s always to tempting to drop things (relationships, people, activities) in an attempt to reduce the weight of life, but forcing things go, or breaking things, doesn’t make it lighter. It’s confusing. A healthy break with the past versus reacting out of temporary frustration or anger or fear of hurt.

7. My computer isn’t great so it can take a long time for pages to load, thereby making pursuits such as this frustrating.

8. I need money. Lots and lots of money. I need to work. Don’t like working. HMM.

9. I love working on things I love. I hold myself back constantly. Why?

10. I’m so happy and impressed with your various publishing successes, one after another! I love having friends whose company I can enjoy in frivolity, but whose lives I also admire and respect. I saw that mung bean pasta at the store, the one we made. My mom said it was too expensive so I didn’t get it. But one day.

About Undecided Pseudonym

A woman who remembers enjoying writing.
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