A moment of return. Madness crawling around my mind, the back of my skull. I was showering. How innocent. I could feel the restlessness. It was so familiar, but I’ve been medicated for so long that I haven’t been able to sense much. Sensation. It’s so important to be able to feel. Maybe I should go back on my meds. I don’t know. They’re costly. But it’s a safety guard. I can smell searing onions. So good. Still working on the hamster. Still working on a lot of things. I am consistently fatigued. I want to push myself to write in greater quantities. I made some clay beads. Painted them green. I enjoy beading. I am waiting for three pm to have half price frappuccinos. Proteins and fats for my brain. Poetry for my soul. Greens for everything else. A hamster to play with. If only I could do something phenomenal. I can. What do I want to do? Write. Eat. Travel. That’s about all. Craving sushi. Certain things in life don’t add up. You can’t be an artist and be a lawyer. A real artist. By real I mean someone for whom it is a true labour of love. Someone who fights for their work. Am applying for jobs. Nothing from LUSH. Sadness. Oh well. Potential other things.