Thoughts.

Life is what you make it. I’ve made it sit-com’s and sleeping in. But I’ve also made it a mentally stable place, which has taken a lot of effort. Excellence is a habit. I am not excellent. I am slightly worried about my condition. It’s not worsening but I wonder what will happen when life is full tilt. It’s all going to change ever so quickly. I repacked some boxes today. My place has very little walking space. There are boxes filling one side of the kitchen. I will be relieved to have more space. Bipolar. This word takes up so much space now, in memory, in present discourse, in everything I touch. I worry I’m giving myself too much slack. I don’t really think I am though. It all needed to be as such, so let it be as such. Let the past go and let the present in. “Get some honesty, take the best of me and let the rest let go” Tears for Fears. University will be different this time. I’ll be seeing things through a clearer lens. A focused lens. A unipolar lens. I won’t be torn in two by my mind. It was so horrific. It really was. It’s a challenge to describe, but it is a war. It is a mind at war with itself. An Unquiet Mind. That is the title of a book, I believe. Sometimes I just feel so guilty, so embarrassed by myself, by my lived life. I feel so exposed. So freakish and unbelievable. And I’ve barely got started. I really hope I get into the writing program, so I can embarrass myself in a literary manner. But writing isn’t embarrassing. I never regret it. I hear a car skidding outside. I am craving popcorn. I have no money. But I have a VISA card. This is dangerous. But popcorn won’t break the bank, right? Right?! My computer case has a print of Van Gogh’s Starry Night on it. Lovely. I want to see a Van Gogh exhibit one day, or go back to Europe… I just got a membership to the Vancouver Art Gallery. $45 that I don’t have. Oh well. Oh well indeed. Life goes on, piteously. My dress is wet from the rain. Yes, it is raining in Toronto. How rare. What do I prefer, the intense cold, or the mild climate, but being wet all the time? I do enjoy the warmth and comfort that comes with dryness, but how I despise frigid wind. Ok, time to face the rain again. Time to go home and take some melatonin. Woo hoo! I’m a wild lady. 

About Undecided Pseudonym

A woman who remembers enjoying writing.
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