Danger, danger, in the mind. “I don’t belong in this world.”. Yes, I do. Isolation from society leads to higher risk of suicide. Why can’t I see what others see? I’m smart. I can do this. I can live this life, I just need to believe in myself. I can’t keep quitting school. I can’t keep leaving things and places and ways of life. I need to face the fire. Or in this case, the ice. I need to put on my skates and slide across. But I can’t do it alone. And I’ve been doing it alone for too long. Singing group, I’ve joined a singing group. And there’s another one I can do as well. I am mush all round. But it’s equally hard being around people. It just makes it worse. Until it makes it better. Alcohol on the wound. Danger. “I’m not smart.” Danger in thinking the false, in putting myself down. But how will I get myself back up when I cannot move? Move, movement, therein lies the answer. Reclaim my body, reclaim my life. But that makes it sound like warfare, when really there is no need for revolution, it’s all already there, peace is made, the deeds are done, I just have to open my eyes and see what’s really here. But what if danger is really here, and that’s all? What if all I have is danger? Calm down. Breathe and do your work and go home and do the dishes and cook good food and live life. Life must be lived in balance, I can’t afford to indulge in the highs or the lows. I cannot afford to long for anything in the peripheries. The extremes. I’m at a point where I’m seeing that no one can solve my problems but me. It’s a big responsibility. I need to get up earlier so that I can spend more time in the sun. I need to explore what’s under that sun. What’s under me. All there is to do is, to do. Actions. 

About Undecided Pseudonym

A woman who remembers enjoying writing.
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