I’m sad today, because the future is scary. Ha ha. I’m scared because all my plans have derailed, at my hand, more or less. Well, the mental illness isn’t my fault, but now that I’m aware that I have an illness, I have a responsibility to take care of myself. Come on girl, gotta step up. People have been a lot more lost for a lot longer. It takes time. I just made a huge decision, a huge change. And before that I was numb on medications. I was unable to function. It wasn’t my fault. But it’s my responsibility to get better. How can I do this? Eating well, exercising, reading, studying, taking part in society. Taking part in society. You’re less likely to kill yourself if you’re more connected to society. As proven in sociology. Looking up all the courses I need to do back at university. I want to go to law school. I don’t know If I can get in. I want to try. I am far from where I need to be academically. It would be seemingly impossible to get in. It’s always worth an effort. I want to help people. I want to be intimately involved with the lives of others. I want to make a difference in my community. I need to start now. Maybe this will be my outlet for reaching out to my community, my fellow mentally ill. Maybe this is enough, if I stick to it, if I offer hope through this venue. Enough right now. 


About Undecided Pseudonym

A woman who remembers enjoying writing.
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