Been A While.

It’s tricky to write from health. It takes more discipline. The burning desire for something to stop the aching isn’t a motivator. I must be my own motivation. Motivation. Desire. Discipline. Things I once found very easy to tap into now require a lot of effort. Does it simply get harder as you move on in life? Maybe mania made life easier in certain regards. Maybe I’m just on earth with everyone else for the first time and it’s just this hard for everyone. Ping pong, my consciousness, a little white ball going back and forth and through so many things. Theatre is what I want to do. I have been questioning this very deeply and have come to the conclusion that there is nothing more I’d like to do than to continue my training and succeed in it. I need to discipline myself in order to succeed. I need to  be kind to myself. It feels like there is so much I need to do first before I can do the work, but it all happens together. Every time I don’t open the Facebook tab is a small victory. Winners and Losers. Amazing theatre. The dive into oneself and each other. Personal stories. Adventures. Risks. I want to do it all. Crows Theatre. Theatre Replacement. I want to be able to play like that. I need partners in crime. I need a theatre family. I need people who want to work with me. I need creators who are creative and brave and dynamic. It can’t be done alone. Partnership, that is essential. That’s perhaps what I want most in life. Partnership in art. I need to first partner with myself, accept myself and work with myself. Only then will the rest come. 

About Undecided Pseudonym

A woman who remembers enjoying writing.
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