Monthly Archives: October 2013

If I Want To.

I’m not done with suicidality, with cutting, with self-destruction on the whole, but I need to be. I’m not done with them. I’m not finished my long-standing romance with self-hatred and mutilation and the primal scream of insanity, but I’m … Continue reading

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It’s Hard.

Part of me wants it to get worse, and the other doesn’t. And it’s getting worse. For every day I don’t try, the following day will be harder. And each day I try… it’s doesn’t get easier. But it’s maintained. … Continue reading

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Thanksgiving.

Genocide day. But why not. A reason to celebrate is a reason to celebrate. I am grateful for a lot of things, but I cannot actually feel very much. Perhaps another change in medication is necessary. Do I have ADHD? … Continue reading

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Be Generous. Be Wholesome.

I’m always looking for a way out, when what I need to do is to dive in. Dive into the world I’m standing on the boundary of. Death is not an option. Running away is not an option. Run into … Continue reading

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Breaking Out.

I have become incarcerated by my fear, my fear to live, to really, truly live. I feel like I need to do something big and crazy to escape, but the answer lies in the small. Make my bed. Brush my … Continue reading

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Running Low.

My soul is too lonely to live. All joy is gone. I’m becoming a cliche. I don’t want to be a statistic. I’m so much more than that. I’m so much more than a shell of a woman. I’m so … Continue reading

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Saplings.

It doesn’t go away. It won’t go away. I just have to learn to live with this disease. “We do not look how we feel.” Our facades are so beautiful, so impeccably designed, yet underneath, underneath we are blackened, oozing … Continue reading

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