Harsh and Sweet.

It’s not pretty, what goes on in my mind. My mind, my turbulent, fickle mind. I can’t trust my thoughts to stay afloat in the light, the shallow water. I have to practice happiness. I have to learn how to be content with what is here and now. With myself. This is a challenge. I saw a counselor today. It always unsettles me, the introductions, the revisiting of the facts, one of them being that I’m not well. I’m sick. I’m ill. I am not like everyone else, in their waters, sailing with their rafts. I am swimming, I am drowning, I am struggling to stay afloat. Maybe I focus too much on the negative. I should practice gratitude. Gratitude for having at least what sanity and presence of mind that I have. One of the only outlets at school is beside the garbage can. The smell is harsh yet sweet. Life is harsh yet sweet. Focus on the sweet, put a shoulder towards the harsh. Ride the sweet smell, the sweet light, remember the light, the light that lives in me. I have a dance solo to create. Can’t stop what’s coming. It must be done. I’m falling in love with Theatre For Young Audiences. We’re working on a TYA project. We mostly thought it’d be “Hey Boys and Girls!” kind of stuff, but it’s proving to be raw, edgy, and refreshing. It’s what I want to do. It’s how I want to work. So I’ve found something to sink my teeth into. It’s only two weeks right now, but much of next semester. It’s good to be refreshed. I wish I could reload, like a browser. 

About Undecided Pseudonym

A woman who remembers enjoying writing.
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