Acceptance, Fear, Growing.

I have to accept where I am. I am not in a good place. I am not in a bad place. I’m in a difficult place. It can get better. It is getting better. I can’t do this alone. I need to accept this, and am having difficulty. I don’t want to need so much from the world. I’ve done it on my own for so long. It’s hard to accept that it can’t stay that way. I have to let others in. I have to let myself out. If I want to take part in the world around me, I have to actually just do that. Take part. Judgement, fear, fear of judgement, fear of fear, fear of failure, fear of the unknown, it’s all just a part of life, and I can learn to deal with these fears. I can learn to deal with myself. Solvable emotional problems. That’s all. I’m not a lost cause. And we’re all lost, from time to time. Lost and found, found then lost, over and over and over again, because that’s just the way it goes. And when we’re lost, be content with being lost. Savour being lost. It’s scary, but it’s okay. It’s okay to be lost, it’s okay to be a mess. But it’s important to work to clean up. We can’t survive in the mess. It will make months. It will take years. It will be a continual process. Process. But slowly, books will be reshelved, clothes picked and hung up, the holes will shrink into obscure scars. We may not be whole, but we will be wholesome. 

About Undecided Pseudonym

A woman who remembers enjoying writing.
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