Monthly Archives: October 2013

Harsh and Sweet.

It’s not pretty, what goes on in my mind. My mind, my turbulent, fickle mind. I can’t trust my thoughts to stay afloat in the light, the shallow water. I have to practice happiness. I have to learn how to … Continue reading

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Acceptance, Fear, Growing.

I have to accept where I am. I am not in a good place. I am not in a bad place. I’m in a difficult place. It can get better. It is getting better. I can’t do this alone. I … Continue reading

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I Loved It All.

http://www.viralnova.com/wifes-cancer/ There was a time I would have said that, about this. No no, don’t go falling into sadness. Be here, be now. Check in. Check into life, a life that wants me here. A world that wants me, needs … Continue reading

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unraveling and rambling.

I don’t understand what’s happening to me. Where I am. A nameless place where I become nameless. Writing cannot solve this strangeness. I am becoming the strangeness, my mind is beginning to use a cryptic language, all strange to me. … Continue reading

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Questions

There is no instruction manual. It’s hard to know what’s right. Check back in. How? Maybe I can. Check back in. Crisis. Danger and opportunity. Can it be repairable? I’m doing abysmally in school. How to refocus, to re-emerge, to … Continue reading

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Hope. Faith. Stop Pretending.

I remember days of hope. When I had hope that one day I would be free. Free from what, I’m not sure. From something inside of me. I remember days when I felt free, moments when I felt free. I … Continue reading

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Gratitude. I’ve been hearing and seeing a lot about gratitude. I am grateful for many things. I am forgetting to remember them. I wonder how simple this all is, this healing business. How easy could it be? I already feel … Continue reading

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If I Want To.

I’m not done with suicidality, with cutting, with self-destruction on the whole, but I need to be. I’m not done with them. I’m not finished my long-standing romance with self-hatred and mutilation and the primal scream of insanity, but I’m … Continue reading

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It’s Hard.

Part of me wants it to get worse, and the other doesn’t. And it’s getting worse. For every day I don’t try, the following day will be harder. And each day I try… it’s doesn’t get easier. But it’s maintained. … Continue reading

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Thanksgiving.

Genocide day. But why not. A reason to celebrate is a reason to celebrate. I am grateful for a lot of things, but I cannot actually feel very much. Perhaps another change in medication is necessary. Do I have ADHD? … Continue reading

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