Sometimes the mind wrangles up the past as brain candy. I am perplexed by my own ability to potentially destroy myself. It seems so counter-intuitive. But it’s a part of life. Week three of school finished. It feels like much longer in. I went to the gym this morning. The past few days have been good. Life is falling back into my hands- or am I grasping it back? Whatever I’m doing, I need to keep doing it. Keeping on top of my work is one. Eating. I need to stop acting like good things come by chance and the shit is what’s real. I can make my life better if I act accordingly. This is real. Peace can be real. Maybe even happiness. The goal is to live in the present, to live without fear. “Chance favours the mind that is prepared” -Louis Pasteur. It is not magic. It is all practical. Practice, practical. Misery is not practical, yet I practice it well. Time to stop. I’m getting a divorce, Misery. I’m tired of your shit. Fear, I’m tired of your shit. Fear is an emotion like any other emotion, it holds no monopoly on truth. I don’t have to listen to fear anymore than I do sadness. I can simply turn down the volume. Sometimes, this is true. It’s a matter of coping when it ‘s unbearable, or preventing it from becoming unbearable. But it’s not just about saying “No! Don’t think that”, I need to replace it with something else. There’s no quitting cold turkey. This is where the murky world of self-help comes in, murky for all the flowery-bull shit to be found, and murky for the challenge of diving into it with abandon. 

About Undecided Pseudonym

A woman who remembers enjoying writing.
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