A few good days in a row. Hurrah. Medications are powerful. I can talk to people again. Laughter is still proving tricky, but I am hopeful. General sense of optimism. Self-love and confidence are proving tricky as per usual, but not impossible. My hands are cold. There is rain. It’s a rainier fall than last, I believe. What a gift to not dread existance. I’ve spent the afternoon studying as best I can, despite my hyper mind. Plebiscitary democracy- referendums, initiatives and recall as procedures within a greater democratic setting, such as representative democracy. I have been, and will be in school for a long time. I’ll have spent about 10 years doing a B.A and a diploma. That’s okay. It’s all experience. Perhaps not okay to my family, but that’s just the way it goes. I decided to have coffee for dinner yesterday. Bad idea. It was followed by cramps and pizza. My delight at feeling well overrid any physical discomfort. I would trade a chronic ache for bipolar anyday. But there are worse things to be had. I’m lucky to have what health I have. I am lucky to have the people I have. Love and support come in all forms, whether through day to day interaction, or occassional bursts of appreciation.
I still get anxious about being alone in my basement suite. No internet, no youtube to spiel. Oh well. I’m trying to feel more at home in this still foreign abode. I’m trying to feel more at home in myself. I am slowly succeeding.