Cut the Umbilical Cord.

When asking advice for how to deal with my parents and my mental health diagnosis, with the support I was hoping to receive somehow, I was advised to “cut the umbilical cord”, that I would be setting myself up for disappointment and failure if I, as I’d stated, felt I needed their support in order to make it through. Today, looking through my thoughts, I noticed how much they weight on my mind, their judgements and expectations, casting a shadow over my infinitesimal shards of hope that I cling on to. They may not support me in the way I need, but I can get that support from other places, other people. It has to come first and foremost from myself. I can’t keep looking around outside of me for it. I have to provide myself a foundation of unshakable faith in my own decisions and abilities. I hold so much guilt for not being the perfect child. I need to let go. Nothing is as we expect, no one can be as we expect. It only causes pain to seek perfection. I was told similar things by a nurse at the hospital. I have to live my life, my life, the way I see fit. I have to make my own mistakes and learn from them. I deserve kind words and unyielding support all the way, but it starts with me. 

I am angry, for not having the life I wish I could have had with my family, but most people experience such disappointment. I’m sure they are mad at me too. But I can’t let that get in the way of my growth and progress. They made me, they don’t make me. 

About Undecided Pseudonym

A woman who remembers enjoying writing.
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4 Responses to Cut the Umbilical Cord.

  1. J.F says:

    There really is a hard thing to deal with. I’m working things through on something similar. I want to be able to talk to my parents but I never get the reaction I would like, often it is a scornful lecture about something I really had no control over. Either way most things end up being thrown back at me like I’m so irresponsible and horrible.

    It’s tough… and upsetting. More hurtful I guess then anything…. it tough… i don’t really know what i’m trying to say… maybe just reaching out and saying I can relate…

  2. giorgethomas says:

    I’ve been in this same situation. It’s difficult, particularly if, like me, you had judgemental, strict parents who cloistered you from life, to come to terms with the fact that your parents’ views on the world are not necessarily correct. I grew up thinking that any thoughts I had that went against my parents’ views were wrong. It took a long time to realise that wasn’t the case.

    And so, you go through a period of hating them because you now understand how wrong they are in their opinions, thoughts, actions, etc, and you wonder why you couldn’t have parents who loved you unconditionally.

    The only way is to accept, whole-heartedly that they are who they are. that is their problems, their emotions. they cannot be changed. accept that and make the decision to love them unconditionally, even if they don’t give you the same love. sometimes physically shape out a box with my hands, pushing it away like I’m some crazed mime artist. Yet by visualising the box that my parents live in, full of their problems and opinions, I can remove myself from it, and know that it doesn’t affect me or my life.

    Difficult to do, but happiness will come once you do.

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