Real.

What to share today? Anxiety is lessened. Depression is lessened. I am defining myself by my illness and that is holding me back. I am living within the boundaries of my thought patterns. I feel so enslaved by my mind. My scalp is warm with sweat. New Jersey is humid today. I am not breathing as much as I should. My nose is sweaty too. There is so much to life. Every cell in me needs as much as the whole of me needs, and that can be overwhelming. I miss the days before all this, before all this, before seeing the potential of my mind too unravel. I dream that this was all a nightmare and that I may wake up and be free of these pains, of bipolar awareness, of meds, of lost sanity, but this is real, more real than the rest of life, the mundane quotidian. So I just have to learn to deal with it. I can’t do it alone anymore, that needs to change, and it is, slowly changing. I fear the future.

About Undecided Pseudonym

A woman who remembers enjoying writing.
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