Living.

I can do video blogs now, as I have a working webcam. Excellent.

I feel good. Normal. Normal exists. I feel like just another human being! Which I always am, but rarely feel like. I am just someone else at Starbucks- no existential crisis, no psychotic episode, no thoughts of self-harm or suicide. I’m drinking an iced tea. I just bought a hoodie and some tights. I do love shopping, I hate to confess. It helps me feel normal, like just any other non mentally-fucked person, wasting their money on things they don’t need. Mentally-fucked. That’s how it feels sometimes. I may just leave and go buy a Hello Kitty doll. No, I already have a mini one. I bought a long desired perfume today. And season four of Friends. I am going across the country tomorrow, on Via Rail, to Edmonton, then camping in Jasper, then to Vancouver, my former home. Back to Surrey. Oh me oh my. 

Falling in love. Ooops. Bad brain chemistry, bad brain chemistry! Once again. Always being naughty…

Sweets. I love sweets. Food. Oh dear yes.

I await getting a hamster, in the early fall. I await school. I am afraid I won’t be able to keep up, but that is a silly fear that I don’t need to listen to. 

I need to let the past go. I need to let certain people go. I need new people to come in. I need to move on from so much. We all do, otherwise we’re stuck. Forwards. Further. Onwards. All that jazz. I miss singing. I miss joy. I miss feeling that I was living life, rather than merely surviving. There are times for both things. Living feels less like dying, and I like it. 

And look at that, I was worried I wouldn’t think of anything profound. Ha. 

About Undecided Pseudonym

A woman who remembers enjoying writing.
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