So suddenly it happens, the curtain falls and I am seperate again from the world. At least now, I know what the curtain is- it has a name, a pill for it, and special place in my heart, of course. But I have to love it, if I am to love myself. I am so horrified at the realization that I have spent months, years of my life, outside of myself, behind the veil of psychosis, of disassociation. I have lost so much time. Many relationships, opportunities, have been ruined because of this loss of self. I have not been living my own life, and I cannot get that time back. Something akin to being incarcerated, I imagine. This separation has caused more loneliness than I even thought my ailments had. Looking back, have I ever really let anyone in? Does anyone really know me? I have many people whom I love deeply, and who know a lot about me, this is true, but they are far and few between, and often, geographically distanced from me. How abnormal has my life been?
I have more to say, but not the energy. I think it an evening of sitting at the beach, rather than pouring out bits of myself here.
Cheers, dear readers, a pleasant evening to you all.